Monday, November 12, 2007

You all suck

Against my better judgment, I will be playing in the MATH tonight. These blogger events are just getting too intense for me. I blame Al and the increased pressure he has wrought by starting this whole BBT thing. There is too much competition and it is turning me into a regular sonovabitch. Add in the added prizes and the Aussie Millions and I am tapped out from the emotion after an inevitable tournament suck-out by some lame ass donkey. It all culminated Friday night at Kat’s donkarama. I know it is not an official BBT event, but I treat it as one as I only know one way to play. Adjust? Not for me.

Anyway. I was cruising along on my original buy-in (re-buys are for suckers) when I pick up AA, go all-in from early position and get 8 callers. Of course I didn’t win. I was so disgusted I quit on the spot, refusing to add any more money to the futile effort to teach all of you a thing or two about poker. I did sit around for a while though and tirade on all of the idiots that called me with their crap: The rube with A7, the bozo with 33, the ding-dong with Q6, the monkey with 69, the clown with J5, the sadist with A8, the brain-deprived with K3, and the mouth breather with 27o. All in all, the typical blogger group and to be expected. I’m not much for internet insults but I felt compelled to sit and spew invectives at the whole lot of donkeys sitting at that table. I actually drove to two of their houses and egged them. On the way to a third, I finally snapped out of my rage somewhere in eastern Wyoming and turned the car around so if you live more than about 1600 miles from me, your residence was safe. For now.

So, I’m going to step into the breach again tonight and gird myself for the inevitable beat. When I get knocked out, I plan on going crazy. I’ve been working on some old school insults like this gem, 'Your Grandmother's flesh sticks between my teeth.' Now, that’s gonna sting somebody tonight.

Now, I don’t relish being such an ass but I just can’t control it. In exchange for your indulgence, I will bounty myself tonight. It’s not going to be a good one. In fact, if you like pork products, I wouldn’t even shoot for it but I will make it available to the one that deigns knock me out. The trick is that you will have to contact me after you knock me out. I don’t have time to track down your lazy ass to give you a present. Loser.

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