What would an alien think?

Mork calling Orson. Come in Orson. Hey! Uranus is on the line. It wants to know where you stuck Pluto.

Watch it Mork. My death ray can reach earth

That’s what the girl at the picnic said.

Enough. What’s your report this week?

Well Orson. I have discovered gambling.

Gambling?

Yes. It’s the most wonderful thing. You try to determine the outcome of future events and wager value with others on the likelihood of your prediction coming true.

What kind of value?

It is usually money, the arbitrary units humans use to obtain goods and services but I ran into some Colorado coeds the other night who wanted to wager articles of clothing on the volume of alcoholic beverage one could drink.

How’d you do?

Let’s just say the auxiliary Orkan bladder came in handy that night.

I see.

Most common right now though is the phenomenon of poker, a game played with bits of paper with markings denoting rank and order. They are assigned value according to their combination with each other with the highest value usually winning.

Usually?

Ah yes. There’s the rub. The values are not shown unless everyone agrees to wager the same amounts. Therefore, one may wager an amount in an attempt to dissuade another with a better combination from betting. This is called bluffing.

Well, that makes no sense at all. The best combination should rightly be the victor. Is this bluffing common?

In certain circles it is. The value of bluffing is debatable though as humans are endowed with a natural curiosity that compels them to see the combinations held by others. This curiosity has enabled man to explore the oceans, venture into space, and create treatments for their afflictions. Curiosity also has its drawbacks, though. Unfortunately, most injuries on earth are preceded with the phrase, “I wonder what this thing does?” They say curiosity killed the cat. Well, it also created the nickname, “Three-fingers.”

Why would this curiosity compel humans to play even though they know they may be beat?

The feelings they get from the act of gambling are similar whether they win or lose. A true gambler says the next best thing to gambling and winning is gambling and losing. Remember when I told you of the feelings I had when I saw Mindy step out of the shower? Well, it’s much better than that.

How is Mindy?

I don’t know. Last I heard. She and Exedor were running a commune in San Diego. Look Orson, I’ve got to run. Bickley and I are going to hit the bars before a big tournament downtown. The winner gets seven minutes with Carmen Electra in the backseat of her limo.

This is Mork. Signing off.